3 years have gone by, and I've had a lot of time to think and do.
Many things can happen in the span of 3 years. Time will continue to flow, and people change, for better or for worse.
In the past, I've always found myself to be an observer, always watching from the sidelines. If this were an anime, I'd be a background filler character, content to just idle, and, if I'm lucky, say a line as the main character passes through. While this has worked out well for me over the numerous span of years, it has also caused me to avoid confronting the things that matter most to me in life.
Whether it was the little things that built up over time, or the big things that shook the very foundation of my being, I've found that my approach, while within my safe zone, caused me to become complacent, and therefore stagnent. As I look back at my life, in honesty, I can't help but feel that I've yet to really do anything. I read, I plan, I think, and yet action never happens. Instead, I find myself adrift yet again, a spectator in my own trials. My heart says that I should not speak my mind, lest I create hatred in the hearts of others, and yet, it has come to the point where, fear or not, I can no longer afford to just idly sit by. I know that I must take action, and therefore, I wish to start. Merely wishing, though, will do nothing. Therefore, as I strive to become more true to myself, I will let my actions speak for me.
In order to make change, I need to firstly get to know the true me, and what it is that I really wish to do. Often times I've ignored and forgotten myself and my own well-being in trying to help other people, and so it is time that I start to take it into account, and to pay attention to the many warning signs that I often send myself. It is said one cannot poor from an empty cup.
Secondly, I must limit my contact with as much toxic behaviour as possible. Not only have I found myself to be a sponge for negativity, but I've found myself to be as soft as a kneadable eraser, easily toyed with by those who would manipulate me. In order to strengthen myself, I must build a true support system, something of which I've always felt lacking in. If not, then I must learn and build the strength to carry on alone, even if it means becoming my very own support system. Too easily do we tear into ourselves with our critisisms and self-doubt. I must learn to stand on my own, even if it means standing against the rain and the storm.
Third of all, and the most important of all, is that I take that first step. No matter the size of the journey ahead, it will not happen if I do not take that first step. In my quest for soul searching, I must learn to take action within my own life, and take responsibility for the choices that I am able to make.
Let this journal entry mark the first step in my quest for change.